The Daydreaming Disorder

While daydreaming is considered a natural aspect of human life, especially during childhood, we’re increasingly becoming aware of experiences of some people who feel they spend their lives living in daydreams in their head. This has been named ‘Maladaptive Daydreaming’, and for the last twenty years, more and more research has been made about this phenomenon.  Definitions of maladaptive daydreaming have been varied, but Eli Somer, one of the leading researchers into the topic, defined it by “extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning”.

People who experience maladaptive daydreaming often struggle with everyday functioning, including maintaining their friendships and romantic relationships, staying in work, studying, managing daily responsibilities, and sleeping consistently through the night. They often don’t feel like they can stay present for any length of time, which can feel a lot like waking up every so often to realise you haven’t spent a moment in your real life for weeks.

In turn, the way that this interferes with being able to focus and make success happen can lead to lower mental health. One study has suggested that 28% of maladaptive daydreamers have attempted suicide, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Maladaptive daydreamers might find life increasingly less fun and satisfying than their daydreams; they are more likely to be anxious, depressed, and feel isolated from others. They may spend over 50% of their day compulsively engaging in daydreams, and when attempting to navigate their lives, they feel a strong pull towards returning to their daydreams.

So why might some people find themselves daydreaming compulsively? While we still don’t have an absolute understanding of how this daydreaming ‘habit’ develops, I’ve been researching maladaptive daydreaming, through interviews with people who’ve experienced it, and it’s clear that this daydreaming may serve a lot of important psychological functions. Firstly, it’s a very clever way to escape uncomfortable feelings or experiences. Having a full, complex storyline in your head you can dip into whenever you feel overwhelmed, distressed, or angry can be incredibly useful to keep you feeling safe and regulated. On a similar note, being able to play out difficult emotions in a moving storyline while keeping it at arms length from our real life may make it much easier to process anger and sadness without feeling the need to act on them. Some people describe being able to be angry, assertive, or physically aggressive in their daydreams so they can avoid asserting themselves in real life.

My research also asked ‘how might therapy be able to support maladaptive daydreamers’, and found that sensitive and informed therapy for maladaptive daydreamers can massively reduce how disruptive it can be. So, if you’re struggling with compulsive daydreaming, what might help? Exploring the needs daydreaming may be meeting for you and finding new ways to begin to meet those needs in your real life may be really valuable. Your daydreaming is probably helping you regulate yourself in a few ways and understanding these is likely to be important if you want to daydream less – psychoanalysis of the themes that may come up for you in storylines you daydream about could give you a lot of insight into what you may need. This may also involve learning some new skills, like different emotional regulation techniques, mindfulness, and practicing behavioural activation. If you feel like your daydreaming is uncontrollable for you, I believe I may be able to help you understand more about your daydreaming and how to begin to reduce it. While maladaptive daydreaming can feel all-consuming at times, it can be manageable, and it’s okay if you need some support to achieve this. It isn’t as uncommon as you may feel it is, and we’re increasingly seeing that therapy works for daydreamers.