How to self-soothe

Self-soothing strategies help individuals calm themselves when feeling intense emotions such as stress, anxiety or grief. Self-soothing refers to any action or thought process that helps a person calm their emotional state without relying on external validation or substances. It is a learned skill, rooted in the earliest stages of human development—think of a child sucking their thumb or hugging a favourite blanket. As adults, we can intentionally cultivate a repertoire of self-soothing practices that are healthy, adaptive, and accessible. Far from a sign of weakness, the ability to self-soothe is an empowering skill that nurtures emotional well-being and builds resilience over time.

The Importance of Self-Soothing

• Reduces stress and anxiety: By activating the body’s relaxation response, self-soothing can lower heart rate and reduce the production of stress hormones.

• Strengthens emotional regulation: Regular use of self-soothing techniques can improve the ability to manage intense emotions and respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

• Enhances resilience: Over time, self-soothing builds a sense of mastery and confidence in handling life’s challenges.

• Improves relationships: When we can calm ourselves, we’re better able to communicate, empathise, and connect with others.

There are many different ways to self soothe and different things work for different people so experiment with a few and see what works for you. It’s a good idea to practice these when you are not feeling distressed so that you will be able to access them more readily when you really need them.  Here are some ideas for different kinds of strategies: 

Sensory Strategies

Engaging the senses is one of the most direct ways to ground yourself in the present moment and interrupt cycles of distress. Sensory strategies focus on what you can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.

• Touch: Wrap yourself in a soft blanket, hold a warm mug of tea, or stroke a pet’s fur. Gentle self-massage or applying lotion to your hands can also be soothing.

• Sight: Surround yourself with calming images—nature scenes, photos of loved ones, or soothing colours. Watching clouds drift or leaves flutter on a tree can have a tranquil effect.

• Sound: Listen to calming music, nature sounds, or guided meditations. The rhythmic sound of rain or ocean waves can help settle the mind.

• Smell: Inhale the scent of lavender, vanilla, or any fragrance you find comforting. Aromatherapy diffusers or scented candles can be useful tools.

• Taste: Savour a piece of dark chocolate, sip warm herbal tea, or enjoy a favourite comfort food in moderation. Focus fully on the flavours and textures.

Cognitive Strategies

These methods involve shifting your thoughts and perspective to create a more balanced emotional state.

• Positive self-talk: Remind yourself, “This feeling is temporary,” or “I can handle this.” Use affirmations that resonate with you.

• Grounding techniques: The “5-4-3-2-1” method encourages you to list five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.

• Mindfulness and meditation: Practice being present with your feelings without judgment. Mindful breathing or body scans can anchor you to the here and now.

• Visualisation: Imagine yourself in a safe, peaceful place—a beach, a forest, or a favourite room. Engage all your senses in the mental image.

• Reframing: Challenge unhelpful thoughts by asking yourself, “Is there another way to look at this situation?”

• Self-compassion: Speak to yourself as you would to a friend. Acknowledge your pain without self-criticism.

• Gratitude practice: List things you’re grateful for, even small ones. Gratitude can shift your focus from distress to contentment.

Physical Strategies

The body and mind are deeply interconnected. Physical actions can have immediate effects on emotional states.

• Deep breathing: Practise slow, diaphragmatic breathing. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly through your mouth.

• Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release each muscle group from head to toe, noticing the difference between tension and relaxation.

• Movement: Go for a walk, stretch, dance, or do yoga. Physical activity helps dissipate stress hormones and releases endorphins.

• Comfortable posture: Sit or lie in a position that feels nurturing and secure—sometimes curling up in a favourite chair or on your bed can be reassuring.

• Connect with nature: Spend time outdoors. The sights and sounds of the natural world offer powerful grounding and perspective.

Additional Self-Soothing Suggestions

• Journalling: Write about your experiences and emotions. Putting feelings into words can provide clarity and release.

• Creative expression: Draw, paint, or engage in another creative pursuit. Artistic activities offer an outlet for emotional energy.

• Limit stimulation: If overwhelmed, try reducing noise, light, and activity. Find a quiet space to decompress.

• Engage in hobbies: Lose yourself in an activity you enjoy, whether reading, gardening, or baking

• Laugh: Watch a funny video, read a comic, or recall a joyful memory. Laughter has restorative powers.

Self-soothing strategies are compassionate gifts we offer ourselves in moments of need. They remind us that, even when circumstances feel out of our control, we possess tools to nurture inner calm and restore balance. By exploring and practising a variety of self-soothing techniques, we strengthen our capacity for resilience, deepen our self-understanding, and gently support ourselves through times of emotional turbulence.